Being lonely is hard, but here are some more of my thoughts about how we can learn from it!
So since my last post definitely left some things up in the air, I wanted to make a ‘Part 2’ of this post to share with you more of my thoughts on loneliness. And also, to share you a SUPER COOL thing that happened after cross country camp!
You know how my last post was kind of the start of a devotional I was supposed to do? That never actually happened? Well, it turns out I got so many answers to my confusing and frustrating questions anyways, by the grace of God.
One thing my coach said multiple times in the 48 hours I was at camp was this:
“The off-season is tough. Being lonely is tough. Do not hide, don’t distance yourself even more than you already are.”
And then someone else said this:
“God is with us no matter what we do. He’s seen it all and he still wants you!”
AND THEN this was said:
“Don’t be afraid to admit you’ve doubted God. It’s important for every Christian’s growth. You gotta figure it out yourself.
Like…guys! Is this not what I was just struggling with earlier that week?! God is SO good!
I was broken, and now I’m on my way to being new again. And sometimes you just gotta break a lot before you are mended. And sometimes the pain of being mended hurts, too.
Being lonely is still really hard, though! I still feel lonely and scared about everything. (literally.) I still feel the pain of losing good friends. (and then gaining them, and then losing them again…etc.) I still struggle a heck of a lot. And I don’t know how to fix it. I was waiting for a drastic change to happen, but everything moved so slow.
I think the key to drastic change in your life is to realize it won’t happen overnight.
And I know that if the first step to drastic change is to pray hard, the second step is to let others know. To open up to your family- your spiritual family.
Meaning those who you live with, those that are closest to you, those that you hold dearly in your heart.
Because when Jesus suffered the ultimate punishment, and hung on the cross for US, bearing sin and being separated from God, he gave us the gift of salvation. And while he hung on the cross, lonely because he was separated from his father, he gave us something that will bring us all together.
Jesus created a family. He created a home. A church, which is spread all over the world, with a hope that shows us we don’t have to be alone anymore! We have each other. And we should use this gift he has given us!
Friends, you need to know how important it is to pour out your heart to God. Just like at camp, I heard the things that I needed to hear, he will tell you the things YOU need to hear, as well. And while sometimes it’s hard, it is ALWAYS worth it!
I’ve suffered so much loss. My grandparents who were everything to me growing up. My brother, my parents. A divorce. My daughter passed away at 20 years old, my three close childhood friends, I ended up having to move clear to the other end of the United States. Been here 11 years. I’m alone, I don’t fit in anywhere with anyone here. Not even in every church in town. I’ve become invisible. I’ve never experienced being invisible before. It’s so painful. Financially I’m stuck here until further notice. I’ve cried out to God for a friend. 11 years. I feel stuck, alone, invisible and like I don’t matter. But very recently God showed me to stop looking for humans to fill my loneliness. To look to him instead. That’s the journey I’m on now. All alone in the whole world in the physical sense but holding hands spiritually with Jesus. He shows me new things everyday that I might miss if I were distracted by people.
I’m not sure why I’m so invisible here, I’m kind, and a good and loyal friend. People here don’t bother to notice or give me a chance, even in churches. It’s bizarre! But I’m growing spiritually everyday now that I’ve quit pouting and complaining to God about it. I truly believe I have friends waiting for me on the other side of this desert season of life. By God’s grace I will be better for it. Amen.